Exhausting for All

Little Audrey has been having a terrible time swallowing solid food again lately. So much has been coming back up at mealtime that she has lost weight and we have started giving most of her food through her g tube again. We were convinced she had strictured in her esophagus, and she was actually asking us to please take her to the doctor so she could eat some of her favorite things more easily again. Since I have such a full week and was so traumatized by her last esophagram in January, Justin said he would handle this one. But when push came to shove, I couldn't stay away. He had been so sure she would take the drink for him, and Audreywas so confident going in, but when the moment arrived to swallow, she quailed. Even with Dad doing most of the urging her to drink the stuff, it wasn't long before she was in tears of refusal and fighting him at every turn, just as she had for me last time. I stayed out of the way except when they needed me and also added comments from our experiences. I had brought applesauce and Hershey's syrup that another mom had recommended, and we wound up trying it all with virtually no success. We tried upright with an open cup, lying down (scary because she aspirates), g tube, syringe in the mouth, for an hour and only just barely got enough imaging to see what we needed. They did not see any significant stricture. It looked wide open, and to my relief we watched her stomach appearing to drain normally. It's great but so frustrating because we don't know why she's having so much trouble with solid food. Watching and working with that sweet little girl in her terror and fighting so hard against what she needs is so incredibly draining in every way. I wasn't even the "bad guy" this time, and I feel totally wiped out.